Originally posted by leapy
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Getting the other 1/2 involved
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Originally posted by psubrMy situation is that I'm trying to ramp up my PI activities and to that end have been reading heaps about self improvement, goal setting, PI etc. Last year I spent about $5k on courses and am involved in a mentoring group.
Instead of forking out $5k going to the course, I spent $700 on the DVD set that "we" could watch at home - it was great because you could stop the DVD and discuss concepts and how they relate to you.
If she still doesn't want to watch the DVD set don't let that stop you - just turn the volume up really loud so you can hear it in every room of the house.
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Give her time - once she see's success she will probably be more likely to want to jump on your band-wagon. No amount of cajolling, yelling, bribery is likely to work, believe me!!!! She sound like a "show me the money" type woman.
And, maybe down the road when you do have her on your team the pair of you will be able to use each of your individual talents to further your portfolio by each acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses in order to allocate jobs. For instance, my partner is really good at managing the finance side of things but is hopeless at negotiation, whereas I'm the team's negotiator and organiser of renovation proceedings.
So, chill out!! She will either join the team happily and willingly or not ;-)
All the best,
PC
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Believe it or not she doesn't have to attend the seminars, she can learn from you! Talk to her about what you've learnt (a well recognised method of validating your own knowledge) and ensure that she understands your goals and why you are doing all this. She can attend later, once she's confident and enthusiastic.
Find out why she doesn't want you to do it... is it fear? if so of what? the risk?
There are so many things you have to work as a team on and you have to be able to work through what's stopping you, property investment is just one of them. She's obviously not 100% closed to the idea or she wouldn't have OK'd the 5 grand and the hours you've already spent.
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It's more than that though. If he wants his marriage to survive he can't be spending time and $$$ on something she doesn't buy into. And risking the family home etc. He may not see it as a risk but chances are everyone else will. If interest rates rise and the finance isn't right he may need to dip into the family income and legally she's involved too. She doesn't have to be actively involved but psubr must have her tacit approval.
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We have a small family property business. One family member is just not interested, apart from going to the occasional open home. Eyes glaze over at the start of any property related conversation. We accept that's how she is and try not to talk too much shop in her presence. I am thankful she is not negative about it though - that would be hard to deal with.
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Just to follow up on what sarahK wrote:
Definitely agree with you - without the wife/husband's support it could be on very shakey ground and possibly a decision of choosing between the two. But suppotiveness and being interested in propoerty are two different things. My partner is supportive to the point of investing her money with me, but she's not really interested in it. And it goes the opposite way - one of her goals I support but am not interested in joining.
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It's all about finding each others strengths and utilising those strengths. Don't try and force someone into doing something that they're weak at, building on a weakness only creates mediocrity.
For example he/she might be good at relationship building (ie empathy) so let them liaise with the agents first to build that relationship, then you step in with your negotiating skills.
If they're bad with figures don't try and teach them how to do the books, either you do it or pay someone who is good at it.
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I recently expressed concern to the better part of me about the amount of money she spent when she went shopping.... Her response " When I go shopping I spend hundreds. When you go shopping you spend hundreds of thousands". She won that round.
To be fair my beloved is involved just not as actively as I am. She is happy for me to read all of the books. And I have a few. I can go to all of the PIA meetings. These things aren't her thing.
However she does the books. She sees how we are doing and without her support in this area I could be in trouble. Yes she does go to open homes with me. So does my little eleven year old daughter. I can see real estate people will grow to hate her.
My beloved went through a stage where she felt agrieved. The reason... We owned several places where the kitchen was better than our own. "We can't afford a new one" I said. Well that was a mistake.
I finally placated her by buying a new domicle for ourselves.
I think the bottom line is figure out what might interest her (or push her buttons as has been previously alluded to). If she only plays a minimal role in the game so what? Is she stopping you from having fun? No? why worry?
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I'm having big conversations with my little boy about the difference between spending money and wasting money. Add to that the concept of investing or employing money and you have an interesting discussion.
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Hi Cube
I don't know who's money it is. I just tell the bank I want it and there it is....
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Hi All
I've stopped trying to get my wife interested in PI and I now focus on one of the coolest things to happen to our relationship.
I made one statement and asked one question which has taken our partnership to the next level and now she is actively supporting me, maybe not actively involved but the support is all I need.
I said to my wife (and this will work with husbands too) that I wanted to have a spectacular relationship with her!
I then asked her to tell me "what would that would look like" to her.
The amazing thing is what she needed from me was really easy to provide.
Now some of you guys might be panicking here thinking your better half will ask for diamonds and trips to Paris and well they might! But keep asking "what other ways does a spectacular relationship look like" and you'll probably find that it's the small things that are really the most important, the ones that happen, or don't happen everyday.
Making that declaration and asking that question (and I ask that question on a regular basis these days) was the most phenomenal thing I have ever done in my relationship apart from asking my wife to marry me.
Give it a try and have fun!Last edited by MarkS; 12-03-2006, 08:10 PM.
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