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Thread: From Bob Hope

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    Default From Bob Hope

    ON TURNING 70
    You still chase women, but only downhill.
    ON TURNING 80
    Thatís the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.
    ON TURNING 90
    You know youíre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
    ON TURNING 100
    I donít feel old. In fact I donít feel anything until noon. Then itís time for my nap.
    ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
    I ruined my hands in the ring - the referee kept stepping on them.
    ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
    Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as itís called at my home, Passover.
    ON GOLF
    Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.

    ON PRESIDENTS
    I have performed for twelve presidents and entertained only six.
    ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
    When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, ďCongratulations, you have an eight pound hamĒ.
    ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
    I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
    ON HIS FAMILYíS EARLY POVERTY
    Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.
    ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
    Thatís how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
    ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
    I would not have had anything to eat if it wasnít for the stuff the audience threw at me.
    ON GOING TO HEAVEN
    Iíve done benefits for ALL religions. Iíd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
    "There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook." Groucho Marx


 

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