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ON TURNING 70
You still chase women, but only downhill.
ON TURNING 80
That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.
ON TURNING 90
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
ON TURNING 100
I don’t feel old. In fact I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
I ruined my hands in the ring - the referee kept stepping on them.
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, Passover.
ON GOLF
Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.
ON PRESIDENTS
I have performed for twelve presidents and entertained only six.
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, “Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham”.
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
ON HIS FAMILY’S EARLY POVERTY
Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
That’s how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.
ON GOING TO HEAVEN
I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
You still chase women, but only downhill.
ON TURNING 80
That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.
ON TURNING 90
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
ON TURNING 100
I don’t feel old. In fact I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
I ruined my hands in the ring - the referee kept stepping on them.
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, Passover.
ON GOLF
Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.
ON PRESIDENTS
I have performed for twelve presidents and entertained only six.
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, “Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham”.
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
ON HIS FAMILY’S EARLY POVERTY
Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
That’s how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.
ON GOING TO HEAVEN
I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.