Gareth wants to see the Phoenix play 'entertaining' football so his latest plan is:
Entertainment on the field:
- Footballers only use their feet which leaves their arms free ... so Gareth is giving every player five oranges to juggle as they run around the field (economists love suggesting efficiencies).
- The goalie will now ride a unicycle (and juggle his five oranges) as he waits for some action to come his way ("well, he's bloody standing around doing nothing for most of the match").
Entertainment off the field:
- Gareth is importing an elephant so he can ride it around the field to encourage his players. He will be wearing an Elvis costume with rhinestones and be accompanied by a bevy of scantily clad young women in high heels and feathers in their hair.
- Ricki Herbert's new 'advisory' role involves pushing a wheelbarrow after the elephant.
The new coach will be announced shortly and don't be surprised if he comes with a circus de soleil background.