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Thread: BIRTH ORDERS

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    Default BIRTH ORDERS

    Hi Guys

    From Noel Whittacker's latest newsletter"

    BIRTH ORDERS

    Your Clothes:
    1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
    2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
    3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

    Preparing for the Birth:
    1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
    2nd baby: You donít bother because you remember that last time, breathing didnít do a thing.
    3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

    The Layette:
    1st baby: You pre-wash newbornís clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the babyís little bureau.
    2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
    3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, canít they?

    Worries:
    1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
    2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
    3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

    Pacifier:
    1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
    2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the babyís bottle.
    3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

    Diapering:
    1st baby: You change your babyís diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
    2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
    3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

    Activities:
    1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
    2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
    3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

    Going Out:
    1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
    2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
    3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

    At Home:
    1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
    2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isnít squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
    3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

    Swallowing Coins:
    1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
    2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
    3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

    Regards
    "There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook." Groucho Marx


 

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