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What to buy a man for Christmas.....

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  • What to buy a man for Christmas.....

    Abit belated but still funny.

    What to buy a man for Christmas.....


    With the holidays approaching (or just behind us), use these rules when shopping for men's gifts.

    Rule #1
    When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already
    has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man,
    you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

    Rule #2
    If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
    ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can
    I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. " By-the-way, are you through with my
    3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

    Rule #3
    If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent
    ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear
    view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

    Rule #4
    Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. If men were meant to wear bathrobes, Jockey shorts would never have been invented!!

    Rule #5
    You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.
    If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little
    picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

    Rule #6
    Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a
    cupboard for 23 years.

    Rule #7
    Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
    I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy. And it will last for 23
    years.

    Rule #8
    Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple
    of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks. Shorts. Cups.
    Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea. No one knows why.

    Rule #9
    Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It
    will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

    Rule #10
    Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Fleet Farm,
    Menards, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Expert Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and
    Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.

    It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must
    be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane?
    Wow! Thanks."

    Rule #11
    Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get
    him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line
    leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

    Rule #12
    Tickets to any sporting events is a smart gift. However, he will not
    appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone
    knows why.

    Rule #13
    Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a Chainsaw. If you
    don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a
    label maker.

    Rule #14
    It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.
    Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one
    knows why.

    Rule #15
    Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least
    The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.
    No one knows why.
    "There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook." Groucho Marx
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