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Questions about Australia

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  • Questions about Australia

    Hi Guys

    Taken from Michael Yardney's latest newsletter:

    FUN STUFF – I was sent the following by Mike MacLean, a relative in the USA who says these questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and answers came from an Australian. (Between brackets is the country where the question was coming from)

    1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow (UK).
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streets? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

    3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it’s only 3,000 miles, take lots of water with you.

    4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

    5. Q: Are there any ATM™s (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    6. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific, which does not…. oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked!

    7. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send you the rest of the directions.

    8. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    9. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tria is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is……. oh forget it.
    Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked!

    10. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don’t stink!

    11. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    12. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    13. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: only at Christmas.

    14. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
    A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them!

    15. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    16. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    17. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    18. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

    "There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook." Groucho Marx