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Being politically correct

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  • Being politically correct

    As we are in the Christmas season I thought you would enjoy three Christmas carols with the kind of comments that may be made about them now in our obsessively politically correct environment.

    Jingle Bells
    Dashing through the snow -
    In a one horse open sleigh,
    O’er the fields we go -
    Laughing all the way

    A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

    While Shepherds Watched
    While shepherds watched
    Their flocks by night,
    All seated on the ground
    The angel of the Lord came down
    And glory shone around .

    The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
    Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

    Little Donkey
    Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road;
    Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

    The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry; also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled ‘little’ and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.
    "There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook." Groucho Marx

  • #2
    Writers of Xmas jokes are reminded that it is illegal to discriminate on grounds of gender. Female donkeys must be equally considered for the task of carrying precious loads.


    • #3
      "precious" my "preciousssssss"
      Facebook Page


      • #4
        This is a Christmas greeting I just received.

        I don't know how to respond.

        Subject: Greetings

        Please insert or leave out the “h” according to your personal preferences.

        Not withstanding the foregoing, and with legal advice, please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally -conscious, socially-responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.

        I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

        By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

        This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher .

        The insertion or omission of punctuation will in no way alter the meaning of this message.

        Best Regards (without prejudice)

        Name withheld (Privacy Act).

        This message has been approved by all political parties.


        • #5
          I don't think GK Chesterton would have been very respectful of our PC leanings, if this poem of his is any indicator.

          THE DONKEY
          G.K. Chesterton

          When fishes flew and forests walked
          And figs grew upon thorn,
          Some moment when the moon was blood
          Then surely I was born;

          With monstrous head and sickening cry
          And ears like errant wings,
          The devil's walking parody
          On all four-footed things.

          The tattered outlaw of the earth,
          Of ancient crooked will;
          Starve, scourge, deride me: I am dumb,
          I keep my secret still.

          Fools! For I also had my hour;
          One far fierce hour and sweet:
          There was a shout about my ears,
          And palms before my feet.