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Tax Credit Stimulus Payments

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  • Tax Credit Stimulus Payments

    How true this is? Spoken like a true pensioner
    who is waiting for his next pay out. Especially as
    his Tax Credit Stimulus payment would barely
    cover the cost of a box of matches. Another
    reason I gave up smoking.

    Subject: Tax Credit Stimulus Payments...

    Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again
    receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

    This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll
    explain it by using a Q & A format:

    Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
    A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

    Q. Where will the government get this money ?
    A. From taxpayers.

    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
    A. Only a smidgeon of it.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
    A. The plan is for you to use the money to
    purchase a high-definition TV set, thus
    stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
    A. Shut up.

    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help
    the NZ economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:

    * If you spend the stimulus money at Harvey
    Norman or Noel Leeming, the money will go to
    China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka ........

    * If you spend it on petrol, your money will go
    to the Arabs.

    * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India ,
    Taiwan or China .

    * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go
    to Australia, and other overseas countries ....

    * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ........

    * If you purchase the usual useless stuff from
    The Warehouse, it will go to Taiwan ...

    * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares,
    it will go to management bonuses and they will
    hide it offshore.

    Instead, keep the money in the NZ by:

    1) Spending it at the Farmers Market or car boot sales, or

    2) Going to night clubs, or

    3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

    4) Beer or Canterbury Cream or

    5) Tattoos.

    6) Go to a counsellor to tell you that you have
    been drinking too much, and could have the
    tattoos removed if you went to Australia, unless
    you stopped working, then you could go to Work
    & Income and get a grant for Tattoo removal,
    which would be paid for by the remaining
    taxpayers who are not as smart as you and are
    still working.
    (These are the only NZ businesses still operating
    in the NZ )

    Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed
    prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and
    drink beer day and night.

    No need to thank me. I'm just glad I could be of help.

  • #2
    Oh so true