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International reaction to terrorism threats

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  • International reaction to terrorism threats


    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
    threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
    "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
    "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
    Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
    Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
    Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
    warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

    The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
    the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
    they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last
    300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
    terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
    France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
    a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
    paralyzing the country's military capability.

    It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy
    has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
    "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
    Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
    Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
    have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
    threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
    deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
    Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes,
    on all of their allies, just in case.

    And in the southern hemisphere...

    New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
    "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a
    squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
    toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
    level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and
    rescue us".

    Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
    to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
    "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
    "The barbie is cancelled". So far, no situation has ever warranted
    use of the final escalation level.
    The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates and a monthly salary - Fred Wilson.