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TAME v SADDAM

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  • TAME v SADDAM

    TAME v SADDAM

    Picture Saddam Hussein sitting in his offices contemplating the current war crisis and drinking coffee, and the phone rings.

    Saddam “Yes”

    Tame “Tena koe, would this be the infamous Saddam Hussein?”

    Saddam “Yes this is he, and who am I talking to? How may I help you?”

    Tame “Kia ora Saddam, my name is Tame Iti, and I’m ringing from the Tuhoe Embassy in Taneataua to tell you that we are officially declaring war on you!”

    Saddam “Well Tame, this is indeed important news. How big is your army?”

    Tame “There is myself, my cousin Rangi, my next door neighbour Wiremu and the entire rugby team from Ruatoki. That makes nineteen altogether.”

    Saddam “I must tell you Tame I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my very command.”

    Tame “Aue!!! I’ll have to ring you back.”

    Sure enough, the next day Tame rings back.

    Tame “Kia ora bro, it’s me again, Mr Hussein the war is still on. We have managed to get hold of some infantry equipment.”

    Saddam “This is very pleasing to hear, and what equipment would that be?”

    Tame “Well we’ve got 2 tractors, 1 bulldozer, 1 Mark 2 motor with a Mark 3 gear box and the loan of my mate, Wiremu’s Honda 90.”

    Saddam “I must tell you Tame that I have 16000 tanks and 14000 armoured carriers, and since we last spoke I have increased my troops to 1.5 million.”

    Tame “Aue!!! Are you tricking me cuz? I’ll have to get back to you.”

    Again, Tame rings back the next day.

    Tame “Mr Hussein the war is still on cuz. We have managed to get ourselves waterborne! We’ve modified my mate Wiremu’s outboard boat with a couple of 12 bore shot guns mounted in the front and slipped the Mark 2 motor and Mark 3 box into cousin Rangi’s old dunga pig hunting boat to be used as our high speed assault landing craft, and listen to this … 6 of the bro’s from the Mongrel Mob have joined us too!”

    Saddam was silent for a moment.

    Saddam “I must tell you Tame that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser guided surface to air missiles and since we last spoke I have increased my men to 2 million.”

    Tame “E hika!! Kaua e rupahu mai, I’ll have to ring you back.”

    Sure enough the next day Tame rings.

    Tame “Morena Mr Hussein, sir. I’m sorry to tell you this but we have to call the war off.”

    Saddam “I’m sorry to hear this Tame, why the sudden change?”

    Tame “Well bro, we had a long korero over a few WAIKATO last night and decided that there was no way we could feed 2 million prisoners.”
    "There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook." Groucho Marx
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