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Darwin Awards 2009

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  • Darwin Awards 2009

    The Darwin Awards

    Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin
    Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among
    us, all the while being grateful when they succeed in remov-
    ing themselves from the gene pool.

    Here is the glorious winner:

    1. When his 38 calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended
    victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be
    robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
    wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
    This time it worked.

    And now, the honourable mentions:

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
    cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a
    claim to his insurance company. The company expecting
    negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
    He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
    claim was approved.

    3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for
    his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle
    to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot
    her.

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
    bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
    to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not
    wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
    nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
    ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
    telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone
    to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
    days.

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
    serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When
    asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he
    was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a
    moving train before he was hit.

    6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on
    the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
    cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash
    in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man
    took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on
    the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
    drawer.... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you
    money, is a crime committed?]

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
    decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
    store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
    cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
    cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
    head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
    was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
    videotape.

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store,
    a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
    immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed
    description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
    apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
    back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
    told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
    "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

    9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
    walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M.,
    flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down
    because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
    food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
    they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
    walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
    home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
    bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick
    man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A
    police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
    gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor
    home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
    declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd
    ever had.

    In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with
    friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals
    by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case,
    be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.


    ***Remember ... They walk among us!!!***
    Want a great looking concrete swimming pool in Hawke's Bay? Designer Pools will do the job for you!

  • #2
    The Darwin Awards has gone to the dogs.

    It used to be the case that a candidate had to have actually removed themself from the gene pool before they were eligible for entry in the awards.

    No any old idiot can make it in.

    Comment


    • #3
      Oh, good - I might get to qualify!

      One only has to look a #4 to see how
      there seems to be some loss of focus.

      I thought the bus driver showed quite
      some entrepreneurial initiative.

      His latterly picked-up passengers would
      doubtless have had other views.
      Last edited by Perry; 10-06-2009, 07:26 PM.
      Want a great looking concrete swimming pool in Hawke's Bay? Designer Pools will do the job for you!

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by SuperDad View Post
        It used to be the case that a candidate had to have actually removed themself from the gene pool before they were eligible for entry in the awards.
        Agree. The idea is that the dumb die early, the intelligent procreated resulting in improvement to the Gene pool.

        The problem in modern times is the educated are too busy getting a career to procreate while the trailer trash procreate as fast as possible to get maximum government handouts.
        Last edited by CJ; 10-06-2009, 10:00 PM. Reason: intelligent wasn't the best spelling mistake to have was it.

        Comment


        • #5
          From No 3
          Understandably, he shot
          her.
          Good show. Got her just desserts.
          "There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook." Groucho Marx

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by CJ View Post
            Agree. The idea is that the dumb die early, the intelligent procreated resulting in improvement to the Gene pool.

            The problem in modern times is the educated are too busy getting a career to procreate while the trailer trash procreate as fast as possible to get maximum government handouts.
            Spot on.

            Comment

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