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  • Glen
    replied
    Originally posted by Keys View Post
    Rlceal hranig it ages ago, but then I'm rlelay old and wlkenird.

    Seplnilg mikaests could have been itinlontenal or adneiatccil.

    These ones were intentional though.

    Hey Keys,......with humour like that, maybe we could get along!!!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • Keys
    replied
    Originally posted by Glen View Post
    Did you just make that reply up yourself keys, or has that joke been around for a while?

    (dunno about all the spelling mistakes though? )
    Rlceal hranig it ages ago, but then I'm rlelay old and wlkenird.

    Seplnilg mikaests could have been itinlontenal or adneiatccil.

    These ones were intentional though.

    Leave a comment:


  • Glen
    replied
    Did you just make that reply up yourself keys, or has that joke been around for a while?

    (dunno about all the spelling mistakes though? )

    Leave a comment:


  • Keys
    replied
    Flynn suffered a near fatal heart attack several months later. He and his wife, Mary, received the news from the doctor at the same time.

    Flynn, having learned his mistake with the mirror, probed the doctor for a prognosis.

    Three days, said the doctor. Three days left to live.

    They go home depressed. Just as they enter the home Mary picks up a little.

    On the morning of day three Flynn wakes up to the glorious smell of home made chocolate chip cookies (his favourite).

    Dragging himself out of the bed and onto the Zimmer Frame Flynn creaps out of the bedroom only to trip and smash his head against the door frame.

    Hours later he regains consceiousness to the overwhelming smell of chocolate spunge pudding (his favourite).

    The Zimmer Frame having rolled out of reach Flynn crawles to the top of the stairs and begins his painful way down to the kitchen.

    He can hear Mary hard at it cooking and the smell gets better and better as he approaches.

    Gasping and clutching his chest he finally makes it to the kitchen to see the table laid with cookies and pudding.

    He makes a move to get a cookie ................................

































    WHACK ! ! !

    (went the mixing spoon)

    "Them's fer ya funeral" "Leave em alone!
    Last edited by Keys; 29-03-2009, 05:40 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Glen
    started a topic The Irish.

    The Irish.

    The Irish

    __________________________________________________ __________________________

    Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If
    you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

    Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

    Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __



    Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    The man said, "I do, Father."

    The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

    Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

    "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

    Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

    The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

    O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __


    Paddy was in New York .

    He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass
    ..

    He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

    After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __



    Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

    "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

    "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __


    An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

    He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

    "Just water," says the priest.

    The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

    The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __



    Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

    "Oh yeah
    ?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

    "When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

    "Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

    She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __



    Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

    He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

    Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

    He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

    In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

    She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"


    Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

    "Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
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