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Business terms redefined for NuEra

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  • Business terms redefined for NuEra

    Stock Market Definitions


    Due to today’s rapidly changing stock market and the financial
    conditions in industry, the following terms have had to be revised for
    investors in order to more clearly reflect today’s economic market place:

    CEO -- chief embezzlement officer.

    CFO -- corporate fraud officer.

    BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to
    mistake himself for a financial genius.

    BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no
    allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

    VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

    P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
    market keeps crashing.

    BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

    STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

    STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

    STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
    equally between themselves.

    FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

    MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

    CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
    toilet.

    YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240
    per share.

    WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who
    bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

    INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in
    a nuthouse.

    PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.


    >>from CM website
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