After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my
pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She
said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might
have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

********

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging
her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,
'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go
on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

********

I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other
driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I
AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one
are you?'

And then the fight started...

********

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..'

And then the fight started.....