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Doctor we can ALL Love!

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  • Doctor we can ALL Love!

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
    them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
    will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
    of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
    corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
    efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
    Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
    vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
    allowance of vegetable products.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine - that
    means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
    goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
    you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
    In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
    for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
    only be doing sit-ups if you wan t a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
    feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
    food and diets.


    For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition
    and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting
    nutritional studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
    New Zealanders.

    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
    New Zealanders..

    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
    than New Zealanders..

    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
    New Zealanders..

    5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and
    suffer fewer heart attacks than New Zealanders..


    Eat and drink what you like.
    Speaking English is apparently what kills you