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You're probably too young to get this...

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  • You're probably too young to get this...

    Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite
    fast food when you were growing up? "
    "We didn't have fast food when I was
    growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."

    "C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat ?"

    "It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma cooked every
    day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the
    dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was
    allowed to sit there until I did like it."

    By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going
    to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how
    I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other
    things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system
    could have handled it:

    Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a
    golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their
    later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card
    was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either
    way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

    My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because
    we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50
    pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our
    house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of
    course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to
    cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom
    third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for
    programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a
    sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the
    picture look larger.
    I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie."
    When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off,
    swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's
    still the best pizza I ever had.

    We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our
    family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."

    I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was
    in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you
    had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already
    using the line.

    Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

    All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered
    newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a
    paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every
    morning.. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My
    favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep
    the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never
    be home on collection day.

    Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the
    movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French
    kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in
    French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see
    them.

    If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may
    want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren..
    Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

    Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
    The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates and a monthly salary - Fred Wilson.
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