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Ladies, it's time to dump the old grump

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  • Ladies, it's time to dump the old grump

    Ladies, it's time to dump the old grump

    DEMOGRAPHER: Bernard Salt | September 15, 2007

    I would like to address my column this week to baby-boomer women now in their 50s. If you are male or even if you are a female but from outside this age group, you will find nothing to interest you here. Move along please.

    Has everyone gone? Good.

    Ladies, are you tired of being married to your baby-boomer bloke? Isn't it time you traded him in for a newer model? After all, many of you were engaged at 21, married at 22 and pregnant by 23.

    And now look at your daughters in their late 20s and early 30s. Did they tie themselves into a long-term relationship at 21? No way. They are doing what you didn't do: they are sampling a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Doesn't their rigorous road-testing of potential partners make you think about the longevity of your own relationship?

    In fact, what if you ended your relationship? The kids are off your hands. The mortgage is paid off. You are happy at your workplace. All that's missing is that frenetic "frisson of love" (and lust) that permanently hangs around your young and gorgeous daughter.

    But you are a bit wary about such a move. It's been 35 years since you were last "on the market" and, well, things have shifted and sagged since then. Instead of "up here" lots of stuff is "down there". And then there's the issue of where to find a fella.

    Hmm, I can see you thinking. He will need to be in his 50s. He'll probably be separated or divorced. I might even pick up a tidy widower. I can show him lots of love in his time of great loss. But where to find such a man?

    Ladies, I have the solution to your daytime dreaming. The 2006 census! Yes, by scanning and filtering every major town in Australia I have worked out where there's lots of single 50-something men. But not only that, by comparing single men with single women, I have been able to work out which towns have the best 50-something single male odds.

    That's "single male odds", ladies, not single odd males. You've had enough of odd males, haven't you? Absolutely. You want "out".

    And why not. You're young. All your girlfriends say you've still got it. And don't tell me you didn't notice the way that young spunky plumber looked at you when he was fixing your pipes.

    Why face the next 30 years of life with that old grump that your husband of 35 years has morphed into. You've been a mother and a wife for far too long; now it's "me" time. I say "dump the grump" and bag yourself a buffed, charming and witty baby-boomer bloke who's single. And if he enjoys long romantic walks on the beach, then so much the better.

    Now, as you know, I cannot vouch for quality, but where would you go in Australia if you were, just for argument's sake, looking for a fella in his 50s? The place with the best odds is the Queensland town of Gladstone. There are 143 single 50-something men in Gladstone for every 100 single 50-something women.

    And do you realise, ladies, that only 15per cent of 50-something women in Gladstone do not have a partner? In divorce-torn Byron Bay, this proportion is 33 per cent. I must warn you, ladies, that as plentiful as single blokes in their 50s are in Gladstone, this is very much a man's town. I may be wrong but I don't reckon Gladstone blokes are much into the "romantic walks" thing.

    If you don't fancy a spontaneous "girl's weekend in Gladstone" to test the veracity of my proposition, then you might like to sample the bloke bulge in other towns such as Mt Isa, Innisfail, Ayr and Kalgoorlie. Am I striking a chord with any of these options, ladies? No? Take another look at that dozing grump on the couch and reconsider. How about Singleton, Lithgow or Darwin?

    Darwin! That's it. You could hook up with a top-end Crocodile Dundee type: all lithe and muscular. And it'd be quite fun. Think of all those steamy tropical nights: summer storms rolling across Darwin harbour injecting electricity back into your love life. There are 107 single 50-something men for every 100 women in Darwin. Not exactly Gladstone odds but still on the positive side of the ledger.

    What else have I got, you ask?

    The problem is that the pool of older males generally, let alone of older single males, drains quickly after 50. They die off. Mother Nature has deemed that men do indeed have a certain usefulness up to 50, but then she kills them off at a much faster rate than she does women. Call this sexist if you will but, that's how it is.

    This means that any women looking for a male companion beyond the age of 50 is faced with mighty slim pickings. And that's why this ranking is so important.

    On the other hand the same ranking that thrusts Gladstone's men on to your radar can also be used to find that place where there is an oversupply of single 50-something women. If "the grump" is still dozing on the couch, ladies, I'd dispose of this paper pretty quick smart after you've finished reading it. And the reason why is this:

    You don't want your 50-something hubby knowing that in the Queensland town of Toowoomba there are 61 men for every 100 single 50-something women. There's just not enough older male product to go around in this town. I think it's because women leaving farms, through divorce, separation or as widows, move into town.

    In fact, I'd be mighty suspicious if your 50-something husband suddenly developed a business interest in Toowoomba. Even with his bald spot and his paunch he might just be the best thing cruising town. Perhaps you should reconsider your entire strategy: he's not that bad after all. And what if he should decide to take advantage of the Sheila smorgasbord that awaits men who survive beyond 50?

    He wouldn't. He couldn't. Who would have him apart from those Toowoomba hussies? Well, if he strikes out in Toowoomba, he might just mosey on over to the Sunshine Coast: good odds there for 50-something men "on the town". And Canberra offers 100 single women in their 50s for every 67 single men.

    With these odds, ladies, you might like to reconsider. Perhaps "the grump" isn't so bad after all.

    "There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook." Groucho Marx

  • #2
    Originally posted by muppet View Post
    The problem is that the pool of older males generally, let alone of older single males, drains quickly after 50. They die off. Mother Nature has deemed that men do indeed have a certain usefulness up to 50, but then she kills them off at a much faster rate than she does women. Call this sexist if you will but, that's how it is.
    Its not Mother Nature at all. It's modern life putting a heavier load on men that kills us off earlier.